Archive for the ‘Misc.’ Category

For years, experts have been trying to figure out the so-called French paradox. Why, if the French eat such rich food, do they tend to stay lean, while the waistlines of us diet-conscious Americans are growing faster than Justin Beiber’s savings account?

Well, in France, they eat a wide variety of foods—fats and carbs, yes, but also plenty of fruits and vegetables, and lots of lean meat. But when French food makes its way to America, things tend to go haywire. Le French bread? Pure carbs. Le French toast? Pure carbs with lots of sugar and grease. Le French dressing? Pure fat, mixed with water and magically tinted the color of Tang.

And the worst offender of all: Les French fries.

We’ve become so addicted to the crispy, salty, tender treats that nearly half of all potatoes harvested in the country wind up in the deep fryer. (And we eat an average of 130 pounds of taters, per person, every year.) But not every fry is created equal. While no one will ever accuse les frites of being a health food, there are some you can enjoy with relative impunity—and others that deserve an all-out French Resistance. Take a look at the best and worst French fries in America, compliments of the forthcoming Eat This, Not That! 2013: The No-Diet Weight Loss Solution.


Five Guys Fries (Large)
1,474 calories
71 g fat (14 g saturated)
213 mg sodium

Five Guys lands on this list for no other reason than its egregious portion size. In terms of calories, it would take more than six small orders of McDonalds’ fries to equal one large order from Five Guys. It’s great that the chain fills its fryers with pure peanut oil, but until it offers reasonable portions, Five Guys will remain firmly entrenched on this side of the list.


 Cheesecake Factory Sweet Potato Fries
960 calories
3 g saturated fat
1,521 mg sodium

Think you’re saving yourself some calories by opting for sweet potatoes over standard spuds? You’re not. A side of these fries will you run you 400 calories more than their regular counterpart. In keeping with the chain’s gargantuan portions (hey, it didn’t finish first on our Worst Restaurants in America list without reason), this side dish contains nearly as many carbohydrates as 1.5 cans of Pringles.


Chili’s Texas Cheese Fries with Chili and Ranch
2,120 calories
144 g fat (69 g saturated)
5,920 mg sodium

Not surprisingly, the namesake of these fries, Texas, is among the top five most obese states in the nation. (Similarly, if you should happen to come across Mississippi or West Virginia Fries, those should be avoided as well.) Essentially a plate of nachos that replaces chips with fries, this appetizer is far and away the most damaging on Chili’s menu. It would take 22 of the chain’s deep-fried mozzarella sticks to match the calories on one plate, and the sodium toll will likely leave you bloated with water retention.

FLAB? THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT! Eight of them, actually. Stop frontloading your meals with The 8 Worst Appetizers in America and watch the pounds fall away.


TGI Friday’s Parmesan Steak Fries
660 calories
49 g fat (10 g saturated)
630 mg sodium

Steak fries tend to fall on the healthier side of the french fry spectrum. The thicker cut allows for a higher ratio of spud to oil. But not at Friday’s. Here, ordering steak fries over standard fries will more than double your fat intake—in fact, two-thirds of these calories are supplied by pure fat. That’s how each hulking order manages to pack in more calories than an entire meal ought to.


Jack in the Box Seasoned Curly Fries (small)
280 calories
16 g fat (1 g saturated)
614 mg sodium

Its menu once clotted with trans fats, Jack in the Box has made a concerted effort in recent years to cut down on dangerous oils. What remains is a dramatically improved side dish lineup, including your best option for a novelty fry. Just be sure to stick to a small order—each portion upsize tacks on an additional 150 calories.


TGI Friday’s Seasoned Fries
290 calories
23 g fat (4.5 g saturated)
650 mg sodium

TGI Friday’s, the titleholder for Worst Steak Fries, nearly redeems itself with this classic version, the most reasonable you’re likely to find at a casual dining chain. Be careful though: These might be surprisingly benign, but few of Friday’s entrées follow suit. Choose your meal wisely—I recommend the Petite Sirloin—or you’ll more than recover the calories you saved on these damage-free fries.

POUND-PACKING PATTIES: A decent side dish doesn’t grant you free reign when it comes to your entrée. Not even the most reasonable side of fries can make up for the dietary damage wrought by the 11 Worst Burgers in America.


McDonald’s French Fries (small)
230 calories
11 g fat (1.5 g saturated)
160 mg sodium

Not only are these fries “world famous,” but they’re also surprisingly harmless in small amounts. Downgrade from a large order to a small twice a week, and you’ll drop 8 pounds within a year. I wouldn’t recommend making them a regular part of your diet, but when a craving strikes, hit the golden arches and you’ll emerge from the drive-thru relatively unscathed.

For more instant health, fitness, and get-skinny-fast tips, follow me right here on Twitter or sign up for the FREE Eat This, Not That! newsletter. You’ll get up-to-the-minute news and studies that can help you lose weight and feel great—without ever dieting!



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Good news, ladies! Society has discovered anothernew thing that’s wrong with you, which means another opportunity for you to make yourself more attractive for your man. Score! Turns out, the color of your vagina is gross and everyone hates it. So bleach that motherfucker. Bleach it right now!

In this commercial for an Indian product called Clean and Dry Intimate Wash, a (very light-skinned) couple sits down for what would have been a peaceful cup of morning coffee—if the woman’s disgusting brown vagina hadn’t ruined everything! The dude can’t even bring himself look at her. He can’t look at his coffee either, because it only reminds him of his wife’s dripping, coffee-brown hole! Fortunately, the quick-thinking woman takes a shower, scrubbing her swarthy snatch with Clean and Dry Intimate Wash (“Freshness + Fairness”). And poof! Her vadge comes out blinding white like a downy baby lamb (and NOT THE GROSS BLACK KIND) and her husband—whose penis, I can only assume, is literally a light saber—is all, “Hey, lady! Cancel them divorce papers and LET’S BONE.”

Needless to say, certain citizens are troubled by this product—which, in addition to just being fucking insane, brings up painful issues about the hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. As if it isn’t bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses are being imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are??? Splendid! God, I was just saying the other day that my misogyny didn’t have enough racism in it.

So what are the pro-vadge-bleaching people thinking? Here’s a hilarious explanation from a male ad exec:

It is hard to deny that fairness creams often get social commentators and activists all worked up. What they should do is take a deep breath and think again. Lipstick is used to make your lips redder, fairness cream is used to make you fairer-so what’s the problem? I don’t think any Youngistani today thinks the British Raj/White man is superior to us Brown folk. That’s all 1947 thinking!

The only reason I can offer for why people like fairness, is this: if you have two beautiful girls, one of them fair and the other dark, you see the fair girl’s features more clearly. This is because her complexion reflects more light. I found this amazing difference when I directed Kabir Bedi, who is very fair and had to wear dark makeup for Othello, the Black hero of the play. I found I had to have a special spotlight following Kabir around the stage because otherwise the audience could not see his expressions.

See? It makes perfect sense. We just want our vaginas to reflect more light—is that so wrong? I mean, WHAT IF MY CAR BREAKS DOWN AT NIGHT AND I DON’T HAVE A REFLECTIVE ENOUGH VAGINA? Really, the ultimate one-vagina-to-rule-them-all would glow in the dark like one of those deep-sea fishes. I need my vagina to attract more krill so my husband will fuck me again! (My husband is a whale.)

Basically the idea is to get as far away as possible from any color that vaginas actually come in. Because that’s what’s at the heart of this type of thinking—the perfect vagina would be something that’s not a vagina at all.


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Transcript of two women talking in heaven.

1st Woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd Woman: Hi! Sylvia. How’d you die?

1st Woman: I froze to death.

2nd Woman: How horrible!

1st Woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.. What about you?

2nd Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st Woman: So, what happened?

2nd Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st Woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer—we’d both still be alive.

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Trying to Think Positive:

Trying to Think Positive make a list of things that you love:
What I love to:

Spend time with my hubby & my daughter.
Watch TV on the couch cozied up with my hubby.
Sit outside in the back yard on a nice cool breezy day to meditate, 
read, or just watch my dogs run around.
Cuddle my cats/dogs.
Go on vacations.
Catch a beautiful sunset.
Listen to the birds sing real early in the mornings.

Talk About:



Making love to my hubby.
Spending quality time with my daughter.
The ocean breeze.
The sand between my toes.
Good Music.

Have in My Environment:

The people I love.
Peace & Tranquility.
The smell of sage.


My daughters smile.
My hubby's sexy eyes.
All my pets.
Nature all around me.
The ocean.
My spirit guides.


The ocean waves.
The birds chirping.
My daughters voice.
Hubby has this was of laughing at times adorable.


The smell of a rose.
The fresh scent of my clean laundry.
Coconuts (ex; shampoo or lotion)
Hubby's cooking.
Scented candles.


Just about anything sweet.
The sensual taste that is my husband.


Hugging my loved ones.
The touch of a furry animals.
Wood especially after hubby finishes one of his DIY projects.
Hot wax off a candle.


At peace.


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